yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
