my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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