even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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