If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
