nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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