My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
