Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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