I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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