Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
