I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
