I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
