She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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