I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You need a sexual gate keeper
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
