Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
