i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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