My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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