can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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