I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
