i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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