I will die if light touches me.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
