Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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