YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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