Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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