My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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