You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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