I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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