new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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