Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
