ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
