I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
