What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
