Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
