my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
