Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
