I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
