So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
it was like eating out sand paper
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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