the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
