I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
