So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
