Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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