jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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