so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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