So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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