my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Randomize
