I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
