May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
