Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
