Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
