Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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