just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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